I will diverge from my chronological memoirs to add a new occurrence which recently happened to me on another blog which I host. Someone wrote this as a comment: A chain is only as strong as its weakest link. The person posted this anonymously. It’s the first anonymous comment I’ve ever received on that blog and that particular blog has far more people commenting on it than this one does. Then the commenter did a curious thing, he or she deleted it. Perhaps he or she did not realize that the comment had already been sent to my email as soon as it was posted, and unless he or she has my email account password he or she cannot delete that.
I know I have enemies, that’s nothing new. However, most of my enemies are so very vicious I have no reason to believe they would suddenly have a stroke of conscience and delete the comment as petty or mean. My enemies have written anonymous and exceedingly mean-spirited things to me before. No, they could get a lot more creative than “a chain is only as strong as its weakest link”. That is pretty mild for them to say to me. It wouldn’t be worth the effort of them typing and deleting it.
My conclusion then is that this is a new enemy who has not openly spoken out against me in the past and is someone who does have a modicum of decency, hence the retraction. He or she obviously thinks I’m a weak link in the chain, for the comment was directed at a post where I revealed a part of my true nature, a nature that is quiet and prefers the comforts of home to large crowds.
I don’t mind being called a weak link so much. Yes, there was a momentary “ouch” on my part, but all in all, it’s not so bad. I admit I am weak, I am frail. It’s the common human ailment that everyone suffers from whether one acknowledges it about oneself or not. I fail and I fail again. I put no trust in myself. Thankfully, I am not what holds the chain together. No one can put that on me even if they want to, which is apparently what my new enemy wants to do. Somehow he or she thinks I will cause the collapse of something. I am not that powerful however to cause something of importance to collapse. I am just one person, a weak useless link. Yet, a link held in the hand of God. He alone holds everything together and nothing will collapse that he is upholding. If something does collapse, then he has let it collapse for a purpose.
I am not trying to shirk my responsibilities. I know I have responsibilities; I deal with them daily even though imperfectly. I am just trying to be honest with myself. Sometimes I don’t know where my responsibility begins and where it ends. I cannot always discern the difference between a reasonable expectation and an unreasonable expectation. Who gets to decide what I should or should not do? I’m not talking about moral choices but just day to day responsibilities.